It's My Epic, and I'll Cry If I Want To...

Re: Iliad I.348-356, XVI.1-19

OK, so they didn't and don't have quite the same idea about men crying in the Mediterranean world as they do in America and Northern Europe, that is the whole "boys don't cry" concept. Even so, Achilles seems to make fun of Patroclus for crying in Book 16 of the Iliad, by comparing him to a little girl trying to get her mother to pick her up. Thing is, Patroclus has just been around the Greek camp and seen the sorry state of affairs and was fearing for the survival of the Greek army--who can blame him for a few tears? Achilles, on the other hand was bawling to his mummy in Book 1 just because his prize (viz. the girl Briseis) was taken away from him. 

Some people argue that the little girl simile is actually not a taunt, but a reference to the plight of women and children taken captive in war and thus a very sympathetic remark by Achilles. They're welcome to their opinion, though I think the evidence is circumstantial, dependent on the assumption that Homer "whoever he were" carefully chose words that conjur the image of a rich woman fleeing a sacked city with her young daughter trying to keep up--without making any explicit reference to those circumstances of war and flight. *shrug* Anyway, it's funnier my way. 

forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit

"Even you, Aslan?"

Been reading about and discussing the persecution of the Christians 3rd/early 4th centuries AD lately. Naturally, I have to make an inappropriate joke about it. Hopefully it's not 'too soon.' 

The title is part of a line from Vergil's Aeneid (I.203), meaning: "Perhaps it will even be pleasant to recall these things one day." 

AAAUGH!!!

Charles Schulz's Iliad? 

Here we have Achilleus bewailing the loss of his prize of honor (γέρας, which you can see I put the wrong accent on...). I'm afraid I didn't draw Lucy (playing Agamemnon) at all well... but I didn't have any references to look at. 

I Have Political Opinions!

No further comment.

Gyges and Kandaules

RE: Herodotus, Histories I.7-14

Without classes during the summer, I have had less material inspiring me to draw cartoons lately. But I have been doing some independent study reading Herodotus in Greek. I've just gotten to reading the tale of Gyges, which always seems pretty funny to me. I think it would make a good comedy sketch for people who know the story. But, for the nonce, here's a cartoon of that story. 

For those who don't know the story: The uxorious Lydian King Kandaules keeps bragging on how his wife is the most beautiful woman in the world to his counselor Gyges. Convinced that Gyges will only believe him if he sees for himself, Kandaules arranges for Gyges (over Gyges' objections) to spy on his wife so he can see her naked. But Kandaules' wife sees Gyges and knows of her husband's involvement. So, she later calls Gyges to her and gives him a choice: kill Kandaules, marry her, and become the new king OR she'll get Kandaules to kill him. He chooses the former option and his descendents rule Lydia down to the days of Croesus. 

You Always Seem About to Pay

pollicitis dives quilibet esse potest - Ovid, Ars Amatoria I.444

"Anyone can be rich in promises." (lit. "things promised")

In this section of the Ars Amatoria, Ovid advises the prospective lovers how to avoid spending  money on gifts for their girlfriends. He advises they promise to give gifts, that way they don't have to actually give anything. As he puts it:

at quod non dederis, semper videare daturus:

  sic dominum sterilis saepe fefellit ager.

- I.449-450

"But that which you haven't given, may you always seem about to give:

Thus has a barren field often deceived its master."

So, naturally, I thought of Credit Cards. 

Gospel Troopers?

Mark "Suddenly!"

Luke "Parable!"

John "Verily verily!"

Matthew "Blessed!"

The Four Evangelists and their standard heraldic symbols (Mark=lion, Luke=bull/ox, John=eagle, and Matthew=holy man/angel) as a kind of Power Rangers team, each with their own catch-phrases.

Mark uses the word for "suddenly" or "immediately" a lot, so that's his catch-phrase. Luke has perhaps the greatest number of Jesus' parables. John stubbornly writes "Verily, verily" instead of just one "verily" when Jesus says "Verily I say to you." Matthew is notable for the Beatitudes. 

Feed My Fish

"Simon, feed also my fish. Not more than enough. Also walk with my dog."

RE: John 21:15-17

Near the end of John's Gospel, Jesus instructs Peter three times to "Feed my sheep." If it were literal we might add more animals to take care of. 

Doubting Thomas and Beach Fish Fry

Left: "Who am I?" Right (Apron): "Kiss the Cook"

RE: John 20:24 - 21:14

My take on the famous "Doubting Thomas" incident in the Gospel of John (Left), and on Christ's subsequent appearance to the disciples at the Sea of Galilee (Tiberias) and the miracle of the fishes (Right). It was like a beach fish fry celebrating the Resurrection. 

So You Want to be a Roman Poet?

"So you want to be a Roman Poet?"

"Get reading, boy. The more obscure the better!"

My gosh, how I hate the ultra-learned poems we have to read sometimes. Just some poet showing off how well he knows the myths to the Nth degree--mentioning obscure places in Greece and obscure people that you  have to use the BIG dictionary to find. We get it, you're very smart. Now shut up. 

Corrigenda: A Latin professor here pointed out that it would be better to say "fieri" ("to become") rather than "esse" ("to be"). Also he suggested "quo ... quo" instead of "quantum...tantum" and that there might be a better word choice than "melius." 

Put-Upon Pilate

RE: John 18:28-40; 19:16-22

The Roman Governor of Judaea, Pontius Pilate, is having a hard week. It's Passover and the local Jewish population are more riled up than usual. They bring him this Jesus fellow to have him put to death, but they won't tell him what Jesus did and they won't even come inside the Praetorium because it would make them "unclean" for Passover. So Pilate has to go back and forth between the high-priests outside the Praetorium and Jesus in his cell inside. Jesus denies being the King of the Jews and then goes into some theological stuff about preaching the truth. Despite his efforts, Pontius has to give in to the demands of the high-priests and crucify the man. Then, on top of everything, they start complaining about the sign he put up. 

Oy vey! 

Boom! Headshot.

RE: Vergil, Aeneid IX 

So, I finished reading Aeneid book IX today, and I have to say, there were an awful lot of headshots in this book. Four of them, I think, which I have summarized above with the appropriate textual references. 

1. Tagus, an Italian, is pierced through the head by a spear thrown by Nisus
2. the son of Arcens (whose name we don't learn), gets a sling bullet to the head from Mezentius
3. Lyceus has his head chopped off by Turnus
4. Pandarus has his head sliced in two by the same. 

Vergil uses a wonderfully illustrative line for that:

      "et mediam ferro gemina inter tempora frontem"

It's a golden line (or silver?) nicely divided, like Pandarus' head, in the middle by "inter." 

Call Me Maybe

RE: John 4:4-26

Yeah... I'm probably going to hell for this comic. But I couldn't resist. There's just such a great exchange between the Samaritan woman and Jesus in this episode. If it weren't Jesus talking, you'd almost think it was flirtation. 

And a Year's Supply of Rice-a-Roni!

"Look at these Fabulous Prizes..."

RE: Vergil, Aeneid IX.263-274

This week in Augustan Literature we are reading Book IX of the Aeneid of Vergil which includes the tragic tale of Nisus and Euryalus, two lovers (both men), who volunteer to sneak past the Rutulian camp to bring Aeneas back to help the other besieged Trojans.

This comic refers to the passage in which Ascanius (aka "Iulus") promises all sorts of rich presents for them if they succeed and if the Trojans win the war. I thought of it like a game show. Funny thing is how he promises them things he doesn't have as well as what he does--like Turnus, the Rutulian king's, horse and armor. 

What Good Can There Be From Nazareth?

"In All Theatres - April 3"

"You will see greater things than these." (John 1:50)

"From John the Evangelist, [starring] Jesus Christ, Simon "the Rock" Johnson, Andrew, Philip, Nathanael, and John the Baptist"

RE: John 1:29-51, esp. 1:46

This movie poster is my reaction to today's Greek New Testament reading, especially to the montage-like way Jesus gathers his disciples and to the truculent remark by Nathanael "What good thing can there be from Nazareth?" when Philip tells him about Jesus. I also thought Jesus' remark, "You will see greater things than these" would be a good tag line for the movie. 

I imagine a sort of macho band-of-brothers kind of thing. There has to be an explosion at some point. Also, as to "Simon 'the Rock' Johnson"--that's based on the meaning of "Peter," the nick-name Jesus gives Simon, which is "Rock" or "Rocky." And since he is the son of John in the gospel of John, he can be Johnson. 

Carmen Saeculare

RE: Horace in general, but the Carmen Saeculare particularly

Horace is a tough poet. Sometimes it takes a long time to understand his poetry--like the hour it took me last night with the Carmen Saeculare, a celebratory hymn on the occasion of the ludi Saeculares in 17 BC. It was so confusing in places that I wondered if the Romans could even understand it themselves--or even Augustus. 

Of course, they could. Easily. But I feel less bad about my own Latin skills if I imagine that even Romans had trouble with it. 

Sorry for not putting this one in Latin, but I didn't know how to say "Smashing," "old boy," or "the deuce" in Latin. 

Exegi Monumentum Aere Perennius

"I have raised a monument more lasting than bronze!"

RE: Horace, Odes III.30

So Long, and Thanks...

RE: Luke 24:28-53

Speech bubble: "Peace to you all and thank you for all the fish."

label: "Piece of baked fish."

Another New Testament comic. We read about the resurrection again this week and the ascension. No doubt this comic could be offensive... Let me explain: Jesus demonstrates to his disciples that he has returned in the flesh by asking them for something to eat. They give him some fish and he eats it in front of them to prove he's alive. Also, when he appears to all the disciples at first he says "Peace unto you" (probably a translation of Hebrew, "Shalom"?). And before he is taken up into heaven he holds up his hands and blesses them. I've combined all these things here.

I had to improvise the "Thank you" because we never learned how to say that in Ancient Greek. In Latin you say "gratias tibi ago," so I tried the Greek equivalent of that. I wasn't too far off. According to Woodhouse's English-Greek Dictionary, it should be "χαριν εχειν" or "χαριν ειδεναι" with a dative object. I said "χαριτα υμιν αγω." Close enough. *shrug* 

AMAPTIA: "χαριτα" is not the correct accusative singular of "χαρισ" (I can't figure out how to type a final sigma here.) It should be "χαριν." 

Bedazzling Threads

"In dazzling clothes" (Luke 24:4)

In Greek New Testament we have been reading Luke's account of the resurrection of Jesus. When the women encountered the two angels at the tomb "in dazzling clothes," I thought of this. They were even a little sassy in Luke: "Why are you looking for a living man among the dead?" 

Don't Trust the Georges

"...and he rented it to Georges..."

RE: Luke 20.9-18 : Parable of the Evil Tenants 

For Greek New Testament today we read the Parable of the Evil tenants from Luke. In this parable, a man plants a vineyard and rents it out to some tenant farmers (γεωργοι). "Georgoi" is, incidentally, the origin of the name "George." So, the man rented his vineyard  to some Georges. 

From right to left: Curious George, George Costanza (from Seinfeld), George W. Bush, and George Washington. 

Return of the Prodigal Son

"Show mercy to me, father, for I have sinned against you. Make me like your wage-laborer."

RE: The Parable of the Prodigal Son, Luke 15:11-32

My attempt a a modernized version of the prodigal son. Instead of the younger son taking his inheritance to go eat, drink, and be merry, I imagine a college student who is squandering his "inheritance" by screwing around at school. Now he comes begging to become an employee of his father since he won't get any other job. Meh...

Lamb Chop

RE: Parable of the Good Shepherd (Luke 15:3-7)

Self-explanatory. 

Nunc est bibendum

RE: Battle of Actium and the Death of Cleopatra, 31 BC

Poetry: esp. Propertius 3.11 and 4.6 and Vergil, Aeneid VIII.675ff., and Horace passim

For Augustan Literature today we were assigned two of Propertius' elegies which celebrate Octavian's victory over Cleopatra and Antony at Actium in 31. This victory marked an end to the civil wars and the Hellenistic Age, and the beginning of the Roman Empire to come. And poets get really excited about it and write about the wicked queen Cleopatra in thinly-concealed male fear of a powerful woman. Albeit there were some other issues at play...but that Cleopatra, a female monarch of the East, was the target and not Antony says something. 

Anyway, whenever I read these patriotic/chauvinistic victory poems about Actium, I imagine the Romans as the Munchkins from the old Wizard of Oz movie, only in Roman dress celebrating a triumph while singing, "Ding, dong, the witch is dead," etc. 

Don't Worry

Bird: "Don't worry." (Lit. "Don't be suspended in the air.")

Jesus, first speech bubble: "Don't you worry about a thing because every little thing is going to be alright." (rough translation)

Jesus, second speech bubble: "Don't worry. Be Happy." 

T-Shirt: "Verily I say to you"

RE: Matthew 6:25-34, Luke 12:22-32. 

For Greek New Testament Today we read part of Luke, chapter 12, which itself strongly echoes Matthew. This is just my irreverent take on Christ's admonition not to worry about things like what you'll eat or drink or how you'll be clothed, but worry about doing God's will and all that will be provided to you. The sentiment seems not unlike those lyrics from a Bob Marley song.

Also, his t-shirt says "Verily I say to you" because that seems to be Jesus' catch-phrase in a lot of the readings we've done--the kind of thing you'd put on a t-shirt.

Our Heroes!

OK, so the Supercommittee was a while ago. But the situation remains the same. Endless bickering and finger-pointing on Capitol Hill and at the White House. 

And now our heroes have pushed us over the sequester cliff instead of pulling us back from it. 

I like the joke I heard on "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!" today--Instead of diffusing the bomb in the nick of time the hero just hits the snooze button. *sigh*

And, yes, there will be comics about things besides Classics on here. 

Now you see him...

RE: Tibullus I.2.41-42

Still, your husband will not believe this, just as 

The honest-speaking witch promised me with her magical aid.

For Augustan Literature today we read Tibullus I.1-3. In the second poem from his first book of elegies, Tibullus speaks of having secured the aid of a sorceress, who has cast a spell to make Tibullus' love Delia's husband (for want of a better term) unable to believe an affair is going on between those two. 

He will be able to believe nothing from anyone about us,

not even himself, if he himself should see us in the soft bed. 

Still, keep away from others: for he will perceive

everything else: Only me will he not perceive. (I.2.55-58)

Tea-Time with Argus

Re: Ovid, Metamorphoses I.679-684

By this new voice and art Juno's guardian was captivated.
"Whoever you are, you may sit with me on this rock,"
said Argus, "For there are not lusher grasses for flocks
in any place, and you see a shade suited for shepherds."
Atlas' grandson sat and detained the passing day with talk of many things,
with conversation and by playing on his joined
pipes he tried to overcome the vigilant eyes. 

A cartoon for Ovid's version of the tale of Io from his Metamorphoses. Io, having been raped by Jupiter, gets turned into a cow by him in hopes of hiding his infidelity from Juno. Not fooled, Juno slyly asks Jupiter for the cow--which it would be suspicious not to give--and thereupon puts her rival (paelex) under the watch of Argus, a one-hundred eyed monster. At length, Jupiter sends Mercury to free Io.

The translated quote above is from the point at which Mercury, disguised as a shepherd, comes up playing on his pipes. Argus invites him to rest with him in the shade. He seemed like a very decent chap, who would have offered Mercury cup of tea if the Greeks had had it. But he winds up beheaded by Mercury all the same. : \

Aerial Antics

Plato, Apology 19c, referencing Aristophanes, Clouds

Socrates as depicted by Aristophanes, being carried about in a basket and saying he is walking in the air. A doodle from last semester.

Quomodo pecunia colenda

"How to grow money"

Part of our reading for Greek New Testament today was the parable of the slaves and the talents from Matthew 25:14-30.

My take is that the slave who buried his one talent wasn't doing wrong...he just had the wrong idea about how to grow his money. Get it?

Plato in a Happy Meal

Plato's Cave, with light-up fire and assorted shadow-puppets on a wheel

Inspired by the "Allegory of the Cave" from Plato's Republic VII

Felicia Lupercalia

Happy Lupercalia, folks.

The pagan ancestor of our St. Valentine's Day, the Lupercalia was a religious festival in Alba Longa, the parent city of Rome, and still celebrated in the latter. It was celebrated by young Roman men (pubes Romanae) running around town naked save for a goat's skin (exuviae capri) with which they would hit women hoping to become pregnant. This odd display was to honor Pan. You may ask, "How did this tradition get started?" I don't know. And the Romans weren't sure either. 

But if you're thinking Valentine's Day is the pits, just be glad there aren't guys running around hitting people with goat skins in the nude...unless you're into that sort of thing. O.o

nec res intercipe nostras

Ovid, Metamorphoses IX.122

Another cartoon from Ovid last semester. This time from the tale of Hercules and Nessus the centaur, which sows the seeds for Hercules' nasty end. 

The situation was this: Hercules is returning home with his bride Deianeira and they come to a river swollen by flooding, which Hercules doesn't know how to get his wife across. Nessus shows up and offers to carry Deianeira on his back while Hercules swims. With no misgivings whatsoever, Hercules hands his frightened wife over to the centaur. But when he reaches the other shore, he finds that Nessus is running away from the other shore with is wife. 

Ovid gives Hercules a shouted speech to Nessus. Most humorously in line 122 Hercules tells Nessus: "nec res intercipe nostras" -- literally "and don't steal our things!" But he's talking about a person, viz. his wife Deianeira. I think it shows the kind of brutish mentality of Hercules. 

To make a long story short, Hercules shoots an arrow through Nessus' back and kills him. Nessus gives his blood-soaked cloak to Deianeira saying it will make Hercules love her if he is ever unfaithful and, years later, she fears this to be the case, sends the cloak to Hercules, and when he puts it on it burns him alive--and that's how he died. 

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck...

Tarpeia Oppressa Scutis

Cf. Propertius, IV.4 and Livy, Ab Urbe Condita I.11

In Augustan Literature class, we were assigned Propertius IV.4 which tells the story of Tarpeia, the Vestal who betrayed the Roman citadel to the Sabines and was crushed beneath their shields. In Propertius' version her motivation was an infatuation with their commander, Tatius. 

Pearls Before Swine

Matthew 7:6. 

This semester I am taking Greek New Testament. For the last class we were reading the bit in Matthew where Christ tells his disciples and the multitude not to throw their pearls before pigs. In Greek (and Latin) the word for "pearl" is "margarita." Hence the drunken pigs. Yeah... 

Medea the Magician of the Metamorphoses

"Ta-Da! And now, I'll need a volunteer from the audience..."

Ovid, Metamorphoses VII.309-323

One of my many drawings from Ovid class last semester. Ovid tells the story of how Medea uses her sorcery to restore Aeson, Jason's father, to youth. She then, for unknown reasons, goes to the daughters of Pelias, also an aged man. She demonstrates to them her powers of rejuvenation by taking an old ram and restoring him to being a lamb. 

Impressed by this, the daughters of Pelias believe she will do the same thing to rejuvenate Pelias, but instead she merely gets them to kill him (killing the individual being treated was part of the spell) and then takes off. As it was Halloween I depicted that scene thus:

Metamorphoses, VII.331 ff. 

Rosa Romana

"Rosie the Roman"

In my Augustan Literature Survey class we read the Laudatio Turiae, a funerary inscription from Rome describing the life of an exceptional woman from the days of the Civil Wars and afterwards--who ensured her murdered parents were avenged, protected her and her husband's inheritance, supported her husband when he was hiding from the proscriptions, and secured his eventual pardon.

Her heroism on the home-front inspired this bit of anachronism.

Socrates: The Wisest Man in the World

Top: "He can make the weaker argument the stronger. He is the Wisest Man in the World."

Speech bubble 1: "I don't always defend myself in the Agora, but if I do, I end my life."

Speech bubble 2: "Investigate things, my friends."

I took Intermediate Greek last semester and in that class we read the Apology of Socrates by Plato. I drew this in regards to his claim that the oracle at Delphi had said there was no one wiser than Socrates...so naturally the Dos Equis advertisements came to mind. Even though I don't drink. 

Praefatio

Salvete, omnes. Welcome to my blog/web-comic. 

Allow me to introduce myself: My name is Benjamin F. Ossoff and I am a twenty-five year old Post-Baccalaureate Classics student at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. I also received my Bachelor's Degree in History with an Ancient/Medieval concentration and an Archaeology Minor in 2010 from UNC. As such, I am studying and reading things in Greek and Latin or otherwise related to Ancient History a lot.

Because of my idiosyncracies, I tend to react to what I have been reading by drawing cartoons. Sometimes I do this on paper, but more often I use the medium available to me when I'm at school all day: the black/white-board. If I think what I drew was good enough to share I take a picture with my tablet gizmo and post it to facebook. 

But I want to expand my audience to see if there are more people out there who will appreciate my sense of humor. Hey! Maybe I can become rich and famous. Or maybe you can just have a good laugh. 

I am not going to commit myself to post new comics on a regular basis, but I will post things when I have something to post. That being said, I hope you will enjoy the cartoons I post on this blog and I welcome (polite and friendly) comments. Also, if you want to share these cartoons with your friends or colleagues, please do. All I want is to be credited as the author/"artist." Thanks and enjoy!

Warning: This Cartoon Makes No Sense.